Friends of ours gave us a Daisy Gardenia as a living and loving memory to Byron. New growth started appearing early spring and then without any indication, the first bloom appeared and I was awestruck. Not because it finally bloomed, but because it bloomed this morning, on his birthday. Further affirmation that he hasn’t left us, he’s everywhere, at all times, with us always.
Category Archives: writing life
That on this day, marking my 49th trip round the sun, I can glance back at all that has passed, with certainty it all happened as was intended; while focusing intently on the Now and not on what’s yet to come; for no matter how long or hard we plan, or how much we want to believe, life truly is not of our control. j.a.terry 4.17.16
And as I made my way through his forest so mystical, I came upon the entrance of choice; I hesitated not, but boldly moved forward, into the Never, which forever altered my course through all worlds ~ ©jillterry | jillterry.com
Something caught my eye through the sun glared dirty windshield – an old tape; dropped, lost, perhaps now forgotten, laying alongside the road. I watched the ribbon blow freely in the early evening breeze, and felt a pinch in my heart I recognized as sadness. I thought of him – the way we were in the beginning; two souls colliding, igniting our hearts forever, each with another by our side, keeping us apart, but unable to extinguish the inferno that raged between us.
For a year we danced the waltz of secret lovers, inside our minds, each time our paths fatefully crossed, proving no force strong enough to keep us apart; as a knight in shining armor he appeared upon my doorstep, a gift from God on the eve of that Christmas, sweeping me up in his loving arms, promising never to let me go; vowing to love me through good and bad, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
Twenty years of laughter and love, new life and family with the gift of our son; successes failures, betrayal and forgiveness, all wrapped up in our ribbon of love; blowing through time, weaving our lives.
For two years I smelled death creep upon him, I expressed this to him, but we spoke not of it. He distanced himself slowly, over a period of time, as a beloved cat prepares to wander off and die, confirming his preference that night I made reference. No burden would he be, no life worth living being dependent and not free.
I saw him there, inside my mind, those last moments when all seemed lost, any shred of light snuffed out in darkness, our ribbon of love no longer enough to sustain him; his thoughts were of us, his love just as strong, he asked for forgiveness as he raised the gun. The end wasn’t instant, this came as a shock, he stood and he stumbled, fell face forward on the ground, blood seeping slowly, he whispered, “What have I done.”
– j.a.terry 1.30.16
Though what we’ve lost can never be replaced and the path my life has taken is not the chosen one, I’ve still so very much to be thankful for. May you all realize the depth of your blessings, this day and every day. Peace, love and light – jill
I woke this morning with the sun shining at my window, an empty spot now forever by my side; and I realized with heavy heart that soon I will never wake to this view again, never dream and slumber in the room for decades we shared; sometimes full, at others empty, but mostly overflowing with love. And so in this moment of absolute truth, my final chapter now begins. j.a.terry 11.1.15
Dia de los Muertos ~ Honoring, remembering and celebrating those who have crossed before us. Praying in support of their spiritual journey –
She sees her self
An autumn child
She turns from the mirror
She doesn’t like it much
Feeling like summer
Longing for spring
Surrounded by people
All telling her different things
Too many chances missed
Like the raindrop
On her windshield
Unmoving – unyielding
No matter how fast
Or the house in the woods
Withering through seasons
Still standing tall
I looked in the mirror today and saw a familiar old face – eyes too big, wide and weary, having seen too much tragedy for one single lifetime; and while I don’t yet know the destination of this dark and winding road, I know for certain it’s forcing my growth.